This has been a week of mindfulness practices, gratitude and noticing emotions. I am very fortunate to not have had a lot of car issues to deal with in the last few years.
Tuesday evening, on my way home from my office, I hit a rock/pothole. I knew it wasn't good 🤔
Wednesday morning I woke up to a flat tire. A bit of scrambling, borrowing my daughter's call to get to an appointment, being sure she got a ride to work and then eventually getting my car to my dealer, my day was very much askew.
Thursday, I pick up my car with four new tires. As I left the dealer, I checked the app on my phone to check my tire pressures and noticed one tire was lower. Did I say anything? No. Did my intuition tell me to say something? Yes. But....I talked myself out of it and drove home.
This morning....another flat tire. As I sit here, waiting to get my car back to the dealer, all sorts of emotions are running through me.
I should have listened to my intuition.
How to I get to my appointment this evening?
What if I don't have my car until Tuesday because of the holiday?
Should I plan to rent a car? Should I just buy a new car (I know, an extreme reaction).....
and the inevitable...how much $$ is this all going to cost?
Yet, these complaints and anxiety come from a place of privilege. I have a car. I have the means to get help. I have people that can help me. I have the financial means to get these things fixed. It's just a flat tire, and could be so much worse.
How quickly I go back into stories and habits of worry and fear....I move into hyper-vigilence trying to assess every possible outcome and prepare for all sorts of things that may not happen. I find I am unable to easily see the gift of being able to slow down this morning.
Sharing this because people often tell me how calm I am. Well, I may appear that way, but its through practice and allowing and observing and having moments where in my head and body I really am not all that calm. But I am very aware of how I react, how I process, and go back to the very basics of mindfulness and gratitude. It is the journey of deep self-awareness that I have practiced for the past 10 years that support me in these moments when I could easily react, rather than respond.
Such are the reminders of practice, and humanity. While my issues this week were small, it was a reminder of important it is that we have these practices to return to, to be grounded in mindful practices and self-awareness on a daily basis.