Last week, in a particularly insightful session with my spiritual director, I realized that I try to control everything. Especially as I move into a world of entrepreneurship, and uncertainty….why do I work so hard to control everything?
I share this because it is part of my journey, and the journey of self awareness and exploration lasts our entire life. I work with others because of the journey I have been on, and continue to step through.
Control is something we do, but perhaps do not even realize it. Hypervigilence.
This was a very interesting insight, and one I have been sitting with the past week. Examining my practices in a new way, Waking up to the day with a different view.
As I look back on my life, from a different lens, I see that hypervigilance has always been there. Not being able to relax, difficulty taking a vacation. Although it has lessened greatly as I have gotten older, it is still there.
When I am faced with a quiet week, perhaps not too many appointments, my immediate response is a bit of panic. What do I do? Well…perhaps I do nothing! Or do less! Perhaps I indulge in some favorite practices that have been on the back burner the past few busy weeks. Perhaps I take a ride to my favorite part of the state and enjoy a hike in the last days of autumn splendor (that is my plan! Pictures to come!)
Perhaps, just perhaps, I take another step to release control just like the trees do when they release their leaves. Trees trust that spring will come, the leaves will emerge and life will continue. Trees trust in the process of life, the cycle of the seasons.
Trust is not easy. It can be scary. It can be uncertain. But….I look back and realize that I have always been safe, the universe has always had my back. Perhaps in the moment the next step was unclear but it always…always….always emerged.
It is said we need to trust in the process. What will you release today in order to trust more?
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