I do not usually have trouble sleeping. This morning, I have been awake since 2:30, wide awake. Nothing in particular on my mind, or perhaps there is something just below the surface.
So I decided to pull out some paints, and create a new smashbook to begin a new art journal journey. This one is about my relationship to my body, and to food. This book will explore many things that have been on my mind lately. As I increased exercise, my body started to hurt (hello knee!) I have been shifting my diet, increasing healthy foods and exploring new holistic ways to manage my allergy symptoms and the changes in my body.
I also updated my brand photos a couple of weeks ago with the most wonderful and talented Kaitlyn Casso, and was a bit surprised to see how much I have aged in 18 months. Looking at ourselves can be difficult. In my head I am still 30. In reality I will be 65 in just a few months. This time I did not get my hair and makeup done, I did it myself. I did not angst about what to wear.
Back to my new book for journaling, this journey will be as much about awareness of how I treat my body, what I put into it, how and when I move it, as it will be about acceptance of where I am in my life.
To do that, I have to get out of my head. I have to stop googling weight loss strategies, how to exercise with a knee that hurts, tracking my macros and nutrients.
Instead, I have to move into my heart. I have to have compassion for this body that has taken me not only through 65 years of life, but birthed a child and survived breast cancer. As someone pointed out to me the other day, the fact that I moved through breast cancer with ease was due to a body that was ready, and prepared, for that journey.
Out of my head of thinking and fixing and trying to control and change, into my heart of compassion, love, acceptance and gratitude.